Kiwi Joke

[auquhollie]

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks

into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda

patting his dog.

 

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi

 

'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'

 

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

 

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

 

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

 

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

 

Dog: 'Yep'

 

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

 

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food

And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

 

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

 

Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

 

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

 

Horse: 'Cool'

 

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

 

Horse: 'Yep'

 

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

 

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes

me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the

Elements.'

 

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

 

Kiwi: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f**k*g' liar.

[Chris-NZ]

Oldest joke in the book.

We usually tell it with the Aussie/Kiwi bits reversed (which of course is more factual)

 

Chris-NZ

[Laurie]

The old ones are always the best - particularly when sheep are involved.

 

Laurie

[auquhollie]

Oldest joke in the book.

We usually tell it with the Aussie/Kiwi bits reversed (which of course is more factual)

 

Chris-NZ

 

I know mate but i couldnt think of any Aussies that visited this forum

 

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[Chris-NZ]

Fair enough Ads.

 

BTW, I was surprised to hear you Scots shag your sheep on the edge of a cliff.

But apparently they've tighter from tensing up and they push back harder

 

Chris-NZ

[Jinks]

BTW, I was surprised to hear you Scots shag your sheep on the edge of a cliff.

But apparently they've tighter from tensing up and they push back harder

 

 

They also wear kilts, so the sheep dont hear the zip being undone

[auquhollie]

Fair enough Ads.

 

BTW, I was surprised to hear you Scots shag your sheep on the edge of a cliff.

But apparently they've tighter from tensing up and they push back harder

 

Chris-NZ

 

Your exactly right the tighter the better although during the summer months most Jocks turn there attention to young calfs. What with maggots/scab present in sheep

 

 

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[Guest varmartin]

That's gross....